


Magnets

by RoczaDeb



Series: RoczaDeb Humor [4]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Explicit Language, Friendship, Gen, Humor, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29170038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoczaDeb/pseuds/RoczaDeb
Summary: Worms in apples never made any sense to Jack. His alternate theory is magnets.
Series: RoczaDeb Humor [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141430
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10
Collections: Humor





	Magnets

**Author's Note:**

> Beginning Notes:  
> Author's Notes: A piece that came to me as I was working on something else. I love that the muse isn’t picky anymore.  
> 2/2/2021 – Minor edit updates. No story changes.

SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG

Capt Samantha Carter had tried explaining wormhole theory to Col Jack O’Neill so many times that she had the lecture memorized. But he just didn’t seem to get it. Granted, complex astrophysics was not the easiest thing to break down into explainable phrases. But he really seemed to be trying.

“Shall we try again?” Sam asked him.

Jack huffed. “Okay. One more time for the brain impaired,” he replied casually.

“Okay,” Sam said. She had props this time. She picked up the toothpicks off the conference room table with her apple. “This toothpick is Earth.” She displayed the little toothpick with the Earth symbol on it. “This toothpick is Abydos.” She displayed the second toothpick with the Abydos symbol on it. “The apple is space.” She displayed the apple. She then put the toothpicks on opposite sides of the apple.

“I’m with you so far,” Jack said with a quirked eyebrow at her props.

“Normally, we would have to travel the outside of the apple to get to Abydos,” Sam said using her finder to demonstrate. “But with wormholes, we take a shortcut through the middle,” Sam explained.

“And that’s where you lose me,” Jack said. “It’s almost as far to go THROUGH as AROUND.”

This time Sam sighed. “The apple is not a physical representation of space. Just a figurative one. The distance through the apple… I mean, space, is not physically the same,” Sam tried to explain.

“So you are saying, your props suck?” Jack asked with a slight smile.

Sam gave him a wry grin, “For the brain impaired, yes.” She had worked with him long enough now to realize that he wasn’t being critical. He often used humor to deflect attention from his lack of knowledge. “But, for the sake of argument, what would make a better prop?”

Jack gave her an odd look, “Are you saying that you are not brain impaired enough to dumb down this explanation?”

“I might be,” Sam acknowledged.

“Alright, magnets,” Jack said with certainty.

“Magnets?” Sam asked confused smile.

“Yeah, magnets,” Jack said again.

“Can you elaborate on that theory for those of us who need prop assistance?” Sam said with a straight face. She had to try very hard not to smile. Magnets seemed to be his ‘go to’ answer for everything.

“Well, I figured you would already would know, but I can try. I see space like a really good 3D map. For a prop, I’d just use a 2D map. Each Stargate is a magnet. So I would place a little magnet on each planet we know has a Stargate. When we dial our Stargate, it locks onto the Stargate designation of that planet and the magnets snap together. The flat paper is folded and the distance between the magnets is tiny,” Jack said with a hand wave. “Instead of traveling physically across the map, we would travel the distance between magnets.”

Sam nodded, barely containing her smile. “It would make better props,” Sam replied.

“That’s what I’m here for, Carter,” Jack replied before he buzzed out of the conference room.

Sam broke out in laughter. Magnets. Oh my God.

SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG

The more Sam thought about the theory, the more it fit. Not the science. She had no actual science to back it up. But the Colonel’s Magnet Theory, as she had taken to calling it, made fucking sense.

Why did the Stargates only go to the planet they dialed? She didn’t have any real theories about why. Yes, they had the six points on the cube theory, but that one didn’t explain how multiple Stargates existed in the same cube. So the cube theory was really more of a location guide. Her equations just explained the how, after the fact. So how did the Stargates’ know?

It was bothering Sam. It took her a week to find time to disprove his theory. Because by GOD she was not setting out to prove it. She setup her testing parameters and decided that the magnetic resonance frequencies would be the best test. The Gate room dialed many different planets. Therefore, IF the resonance frequency stayed the same, the Colonel’s theory was disproved.

Sam asked MSgt Siler to help her setup the equipment in the Gate Room. She told General Hammond the equipment was for routine checks. She didn’t want to bother him with the weird theory or how it was wasting her time. Not that her damn brain would let her think about anything else. Damn the man.

SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG

With a weeks’ worth of data, Sam was ready to finally disprove the Colonel’s Magnet Theory once and for all. However, the data did not support disproving the theory.

What the fuck!

Sam looked at the data more closely. The timestamps for the dialing. The timestamps for activation. The timestamps for de-activation. The magnetic resonance frequency was null until the Stargate started to dial. Then the frequency oscillated until it settled on a single frequency one second before activation. The frequency stayed the same until the Stargate de-activated. Then it went back into a null status.

Shit!

Incoming wormholes exhibited the same frequency, one second before activation.

FINE. But, this didn’t PROVE the theory. It just didn’t DISPROVE the theory. Damn it! I have to do more testing. Not what I really wanted to do. I bet I can make the equipment look like it is a part of the weather setup. Sam thought. No need to bother anyone with this annoying little brain bug.

With that Sam setup the second part of her testing plan for off planet. She would bring the magnetic resonance frequency equipment with her on the next few missions. She would then add those readings to the readings she would continue to get from the Gate Room. She would try her damnedest to disprove this theory. I know he is guessing. There is no guessing in science.

SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG

A few more missions under SG-1’s mantle completed. Sam was more than ready to rest. Downtime never looked so good. She loaded her accumulated mission data and weather data on the computer. She was getting ready it shut down when something caught her eye.

The frequency used to dial Earth. It was the same damn frequency of the Incoming wormholes. No! He can’t be right! He was fucking guessing. It would be totally unfair to the universe if he was right.

Sam dove into the data. On each of the planets they had visited, the incoming wormholes had one frequency and the outgoing ones had another. Since they were dialing Earth, they were the same frequency. One Each Planet. Shit.

Sam crosschecked the off-planet data with the Gate Room data. It matched. The frequency of each planet dialed matched. As did their times for check-in and dialing-out. The Colonel will never let me live this down. He was fucking right.

GOD DAMN IT!

Sam gathered up her data. She crammed it into a folder and decided to beard the lion in his den.

SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG-SG

Alright, Sam thought, maybe the Colonel really doesn’t know where his office is located. She had checked his office first. Then the Conference Room with a peek in General Hammond’s office. Next, the gym where Teal’c was sparring with SG-Team members. She gave up and headed to the cafeteria. She needed comfort food.

That is when she saw him. Doing paperwork of all things. Did he even know he had an office?

Sam grabbed her Jell-O and coffee and went to his table. She slammed her very think folder of data on the table in front of him.

“Hi, Carter,” Jack replied casually. “Fancy meeting you here.

“I hate you,” Sam replied.

“Isn’t hate a bit strong. I apologized for the leg comment. I was in pain, sue me,” Jack replied.

“Not that,” Sam replied. “You were right. THAT’s why I hate you.”

“I’m always right,” Jack quipped. “What was I right about this time?”

“That,” Sam said pointing to the folder.

Jack opened it and noticed a lot of charts and data timestamps. It was obviously scientific research. He had no clue about what it was about. He finally closed it. “Okay, what is it?”

“Proof. Scientific proof. That the Stargates are JUST giant MAGNETS,” Sam said with spite as anger flared in her eyes.

“Really?” Jack said with a smile. “You did all of this…” Jack gestured to the stack of paperwork, “to prove me wrong, didn’t you?” Jack asked.

“YES!” Sam snarled. “You and your stupid magnet theory are more than just a fucking theory. Just my luck, all I did was prove you right. Therefore, I hate you,” Sam said with passion.

“I can accept your hate, Carter. Giant magnets always made more sense than giant worms,” Jack replied not even trying to hide his smile. “See you at the briefing tomorrow.”

“Sir!” Making the honorific sound like a swear word, Sam spun on her heel with her coffee and Jell-O and fled. God, she hated to be wrong. Worms my ass. It was a fucking metaphor. Most PEOPLE understood that. Fucking Colonel. She stomped down the hallway as Airmen parted before her.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Work Title: Magnets  
> Summary: Worms in apples never made any sense to Jack. His alternate theory is magnets.  
> Author: RoczaDeb  
> Sequel Information: Jack’s Battle Song  
> Series Information: Humor Series  
> Rating: General (G)  
> Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply  
> Fandom: Stargate SG-1: Season 1  
> Spoilers: Stargate SG-1: 0117 Solitudes,  
> Relationship Categories: Gen  
> Pairing: None  
> Characters: Jack O’Neill, Samantha ‘Sam’ Carter,  
> Additional Tags:  
> Humor, Language (Explicit), Friendship, POV


End file.
